awakening

It was 2 am but my sleep filled brain hadn't recognized the fact yet. 2 am when I felt the hand on my shoulder and the voice telling me that it was time to get up. Moments earlier I'd been dead asleep and then there was the motion and the voice disturbing my rest. My eyes had cracked open, looked without seeing, and when I realized that no calamity had broken out, I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

“Time to get up.”

I must have missed my alarm and my partner was making sure I got up for work. But I wasn't quite ready to get up yet... More shaking , a draft as the covers were pulled from me. Continuing to resist, I pulled the covers back up and tried to roll over. But she was right there, hovering over me.

“Five minutes...” I murmured.

“No. Time to get up.” Why did her voice sound so...firm?

“Five minutes.” I repeated.

“I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Time to get up. Now.”

Those words – and the tone that accompanied them – cut straight through the sleep fog. Ma'am. Ma'am was waking me.

My eyes snapped open and sought the clock. This time I registered the time – it was just after 2 am. I felt my collar slipping around my neck and leaned forward, holding up my hair so that Ma'am could fasten the buckle.

Collared – in service – at 2 am on a random Thursday. Is this a dream? I pulled myself up as I fought against my grogginess. Realized that this was definitely not a dream. Thought maybe it was a dream come true.

I settled between Ma'am's legs at her command – aroused already and eager to provide this most intimate service. I took my time, enjoying Ma'am's sounds of pleasure and the heady scent of her arousal. As I brought my Ma'am close to the edge of orgasm, she balled a fist in my hair and I moaned softly, redoubling my efforts, until I felt the beginning shudders of her climax.

Now that her immediate needs had been tended to, Ma'am delivered several well placed spanks to my bottom. The spanking wasn't hard or long, just enough to remind this girl that I am hers and that I will get up when she tells me to. She continued to spank me as her dildo pressed firmly into me from behind...

In the quiet time before sleep claimed us, I thanked Ma'am. She didn't realize at the time but I was thanking her for allowing me to serve her...and for taking control of me unequivocally. Which is something that I really, really needed. I've had a need to feel more submissive to her lately and this experience had fulfilled that need absolutely...

I lay awake, silently waiting, until I heard Ma'am's breathing change to signal that she had fallen asleep. She had fallen asleep with her hand on my ass...her silent claim on the girl fresh from a sound sleep that she had just energetically taken and allowed the privilege of kneeling at her feet – a girl who was no longer sleepy but deeply content and feeling more submissive than she ever has before..

call me ginger

Last Wednesday, Ma'am decided it was time to explore a little further with figging. She'd purchased and aged enough ginger so that it would be a much different experience than my little taste a couple of weeks ago. It was a surprising experience from the beginning... I hadn't known that I would be in service until I came through the door and saw Ma'am holding my collar. As I knelt to receive it, I could see the clothing she wanted me to wear laid out on the bed next to a couple of pillows. Her choices were a little different from what she normally likes me to wear for her. The outfit included my highest heels and the rather obvious omission of panties.

I had no idea what Ma'am had in store for me as I changed and prepared myself for service. Ma'am was uncharacteristically quiet and gave me no clues as she indicated the position she wanted me to take and carefully folded my skirt onto my lower back. All I could guess was that my bottom was to be the focus of much of her attention...but it generally does so that wasn't much of a stretch. She'd instructed me to turn my head away from her but as the scent of fresh ginger filled the room something of her plan was revealed...

It was an experience of amazing and intense sensations made more intense by having to describe to Ma'am what it felt like as she played with her girl. My ginger filled bottom was caressed, spanked, flogged, rubbed and clenched together – each providing a different new element and/or intensity to the sensation. But when Ma'am began to play with the ginger plug itself...when she turned it, jiggled it, and finally when she fucked my ass with it....

OMG...the most EXQUISITE pleasure!

If you haven't tried ginger yet, run to the store now. You're really missing out – trust me.

dealing with my choice

After my last post, I had a string of bad days...somewhat dark days. I don't manage the disappointment of those important to me well at all. For me, the D word has a unique and all encompassing power. Nothing undermines my self esteem quicker or has the same power to make me feel completely worthless. I simply can't bear being a disappointment.

At first, Ma'am didn't know the full extent of what I was going through. She'd thought I was punishing myself over that terrible Tuesday – something I'm forbidden to do without immediately coming clean. Well, I was punishing myself and I did confess... but the resulting chastisement and lecture sent me deeper into my darkness. It was when I desperately begged for her forgiveness and the opportunity to make it up to her that she realized there might be something else going on.

After a couple of very long conversations, during which Ma'am couldn't have pried her girl from her leg with a crowbar, I finally reclaimed a bit of my self esteem. Ma'am helped me to see an important distinction in her disappointment. She hadn't been disappointed in me. She was disappointed by the unforeseen situation. Ma'am had been making plans for a rather memorable first use of that toy and some of it had been dependent upon my not knowing exactly what the toy would feel like. My playing with the toy removes that element of surprise and changes the experience.

This has turned out to be a potent learning experience. Although I didn't do anything specifically wrong, I made a choice that took something from my Ma'am and that shouldn't happen. In the future, I will be much more careful with the choices I make. I will be sure not to assume that something is OK if it hasn't specifically been prohibited.

I won't be punished but there have already been some repercussions from my choice – I'm back in hands off mode and I have a new rule pertaining to any personal play I might be permitted in the future. I'm pretty sure the periods of blanket permission for a week or two are to be a thing of the past. And Ma'am assures me that I will make it up to her...