lacking coherent thought

It's been hard to write lately...a lot of things have happened since my last post. Choosing what to write about has been difficult because there's so much going on in my head...mostly all hinging on the events of one 48 hour period.

The weekend before last there was a fundamental change in the dynamic of my relationship with Ma'am. It was unexpected and sudden (to me, at least) and it left me feeling somewhat confused and nervous. On the eve of this change, Ma'am installed a hook in our bedroom and for the first time I was cuffed with my hands above my head and blindfolded. This experience, combined with the fact that Ma'am unequivocally took control for the first time, propelled me into a deeper state of submission than I've ever reached before. But it also brought strong feelings of helplessness and fear that I had difficulty processing and understanding. It was very affecting and I didn't take enough care in communicating what I was going through with my Ma'am. On the heels of this, I ended up in a position where I had to make a conscious decision to do something that I knew would anger my Ma'am - but it was the only decision I could make because the alternatives were to be avoided at all costs.

It was hard to re-center after that weekend. So many things have gone through my mind since then and I'm hoping that soon the chaos will resolve itself enough for me to write.