365 days

A couple of days ago, Ma'am and I celebrated our first D/s anniversary. Today a few thoughts on what I have learned in my first year:

Actually giving up control and learning to submit was much more challenging and involved than I'd thought it would be...and every bit as rewarding and fulfilling as I'd hoped it would be. I am now more sure than ever that I have chosen the right path.

A deep seated desire to please does not automatically make you a good submissive. Surely it helps. But sometimes such a desire to please can make you see failure where there is none and complicates matters. Focusing on imagined faults can blind you to what actually DOES please your dominant.

The challenges of service are multi-faceted and varied – and can change from moment to moment. Something that has been easy in the past can suddenly prove to be difficult for no apparent reason. And vice versa.

Compliance and obedience are not the same thing. Compliance is simply doing what you are told. Obedience covers a much broader spectrum – from the manner in which you comply to what exactly you choose to comply with. Intuition and understanding are crucial parts of being fully obedient.

Obedience is not always easy – many times not, in fact - but it would not be as valued or fulfilling if what is asked of you is exactly what you are comfortable giving. Finding a way to obey on those occasions when compliance is more difficult for you can open a door to growth and learning that is unparalleled.

I am not, and will probably never be, the girl that I'd expected I would become by now. The process of becoming takes its own time and can't be rushed. More importantly, the girl I am becoming is the girl that Ma'am envisions, not the girl that I saw in my head when I first began exploring this part of myself.