I need to vent... A month in crisis mode is taking it's toll on me. My patience is extremely low and I'm much too easily frustrated today. It's been a rough day and the equalizing peace I normally take from performing my Monday rituals and tasks is nowhere to be found. The submissiveness inherent to those things is at odds with the dominance of my role at the moment and I'm unsettled by the feelings brought up by both. I need a break. I need the constant push and pull to ease up a bit and let me breathe. I need someone to remind me that everything is going to turn out all right in the not too distant future. I don't want to have to deal with everything that needs to be dealt with, don't want to be the strong one every moment of every day. I need life to get back to something resembling normal...but normal is a very long way off since everything turned upside down a few weeks ago.
But the thing that I really need, the thing that would stabilize the current tilt of my world, is to be beaten. I need the reassurance and the reminder of place, the escape and catharsis of it...the release. I need to be pushed up to the brink of my limits and held there. And then, when I've taken more than I ever dreamed I could, I need to be kissed...and with my gaze imprisoned to ensure I can't doubt the truth of the statement, I need to be told that I'm a good girl.
Hang in there, sweetheart. Life is a tough struggle sometimes, but keep in mind that the wonderful things you find in it are most certainly worth the struggles that you are facing today. I well understand that need for release, for the tranquilty that, for some, can only be found under the heavy thudding of a flogger or the stinging of a belt.
ReplyDeletea sister,
kslave
Thank you so much for your support and encouraging words, kslave. It is easy to lose your way in the struggle sometimes and lose sight of the good things to come...but wonderful to hear the comforting voice of a sister who knows and understands as you do.
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