I've finished preparing to meet with Sir tonight and I'm ready far too soon. So I sit to wait, careful not to muss the pretty clothes that I chose just for him. The soft jazz in the background is a counterpoint to the buzz of anticipation and occasional spike of anxiety inside me. It doesn't soothe me as much as I thought it would…there's just a little too much noise in my head for me to relax completely. The ebb and flow of it have been with me all day. Since last night, actually, when I revealed to Sir what was on my mind.
I look at the clock. 30 more minutes. 30 long minutes with nothing to do but wait and think.
There's a small quaking inside me. I'm looking forward to spending time with Sir tonight but my thoughts can't help but drift back to the request I sent to him last night. I've been filled with a need lately and I opened my soul to him to lay it at his feet. And to ask him to provide me with what I have been so intensely craving. Asking for things I need is always difficult for me. The more intensely I need it, the harder it is to ask.
I received a response from him this morning. Before I'd even read it, my pulse picked up tempo and my nerves kicked into gear. I didn't know what he was going to say, I'm sure that my email had been a surprise to him. But I needn't have worried about his reaction...he was glad that I'd shared the way I’ve been feeling. And he understood what I was saying. He promised to give my request his consideration and -
"We shall talk about it this evening."
Those words brought me both anxiety and thrill. The thought of having a discussion about this need of mine is almost too much to think about. My emotions are tangled - lying in a knot in the middle of my stomach. Knowing that he will answer my need should be a comfort but mostly I feel anxiety at the thought of discussing it.
Fifteen minutes...time to go. I want to be there when Sir arrives. I just need one more moment - to smooth my hair, check my lipstick, and arrange my skirt.
And to breathe.
I look at the clock. 30 more minutes. 30 long minutes with nothing to do but wait and think.
There's a small quaking inside me. I'm looking forward to spending time with Sir tonight but my thoughts can't help but drift back to the request I sent to him last night. I've been filled with a need lately and I opened my soul to him to lay it at his feet. And to ask him to provide me with what I have been so intensely craving. Asking for things I need is always difficult for me. The more intensely I need it, the harder it is to ask.
I received a response from him this morning. Before I'd even read it, my pulse picked up tempo and my nerves kicked into gear. I didn't know what he was going to say, I'm sure that my email had been a surprise to him. But I needn't have worried about his reaction...he was glad that I'd shared the way I’ve been feeling. And he understood what I was saying. He promised to give my request his consideration and -
"We shall talk about it this evening."
Those words brought me both anxiety and thrill. The thought of having a discussion about this need of mine is almost too much to think about. My emotions are tangled - lying in a knot in the middle of my stomach. Knowing that he will answer my need should be a comfort but mostly I feel anxiety at the thought of discussing it.
Fifteen minutes...time to go. I want to be there when Sir arrives. I just need one more moment - to smooth my hair, check my lipstick, and arrange my skirt.
And to breathe.
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