psycholgical effects

Last night Ma'am brought me into the bedroom, had me bend over the side of the bed. She seemed to be in a quieter mood than usual – dispatching quick instructions for me take the position she wanted before lifting my skirt and murmuring a compliment about the new panties I was wearing. Few words passed her lips and a couple of appreciative caresses were the only preamble she provided before sliding my panties down and beginning to firmly spank me.

After she'd provided a bit of color, Ma'am had me spread my legs for her. She rested her hand on the small of my back as first one and then two fingers slipped inside me. They danced around for a moment, searching for moisture, and while they did find some it was much less than expected. A disappointing discovery. And, of course, Ma'am commented on it.

I'll pause here for a moment. I know what you're thinking – I'm a girl who loves a good spanking, how is it possible that I disappointed my Ma'am in such a way? The answer is a little complicated but also quite simple...I didn't know it was permissible to take pleasure in this particular spanking.

When Ma'am led me into the bedroom, I didn't know what to expect. There were elements of this session that were a departure from our norm and the location and position Ma'am had me take were those I take when I am being punished. They're rarely used together any other time. And although the other aspects of my punishment ritual were not present, Ma'am's first strikes were more firm than usual. I was confused...it didn't really feel like a pleasure spanking. The overarching feeling was that I was being punished and so that is where my mind went. And my mind took my body with it.

I never find arousal during punishment – punishment is always an intense and heavily emotional thing for me. There is no place for pleasure in it...and so I didn't feel pleasure during this spanking. When Ma'am made her disappointment at not finding me wet from her attention known, in a way it validated that I was being punished. (Yes, I realize that's somewhat twisted...)

What is even more interesting, though, is that as things progressed there came a point when finally I knew without a doubt that I was not being punished. It was like throwing a switch – freed from the mental constraints of punishment, my body suddenly and quickly began to react. Pleasure surged through and I was suddenly a very wet girl begging for permission to cum...