value of training

In many D/s relationships, one of the first things you generally hear about is training.  Needless to say, I was surprised when I first entered service and no mention was made of it.  Being pretty new to D/s with very little experience in actual submission, I’d expected that I would receive some sort of structured guidance from my Sir and/or Ma’am.  I seemed to do pretty well working on instinct, however, and 10 months passed before I experienced my first formal training session.  It was a powerful and profound experience for me and I was disappointed to see it end after only four more sessions.

To be honest, I hadn’t really thought very deeply about the concept or value of training until recently.  While it was something that I frequently wished that our relationship contained more of, it never occurred to me that training could be something that would help ground and improve our relationship.  But the more I think about it, the more I’m coming to realize there are far more benefits to training than meet the eye.

There can be many different types of training in a D/s relationship – training designed to ensure a submissive’s knowledge of a dominant’s desires and needs, to modify behavior, to build skills or cultivate a desirable quality in a submissive (i.e., increasing pain tolerance, gag training, anal training, etc.) to name a few.  But what do they all have in common aside from helping to increase a submissive’s ability to be pleasing?  What are the less obvious benefits and overall value to a D/s relationship?

What I’ve been thinking lately is that a formalized training process is the best way to ensure a solid foundation in a D/s relationship.  This type of process creates intimate time filled with varied interaction and carefully focused attentiveness between a dominant and submissive.  Such time together can be instrumental in helping dominants and submissives come to know one another/increase their bond and is an important step in building trust and communication skills. It can help establish or reinforce authority and control and can provide or enhance the structure of the relationship.  Through the focused experience, dedicated ritual, and individualized practice that training provides, a sense of confidence and security can be developed for both parties, which can help set the pace for the growth and development of the relationship itself.

Granted, I don’t have much personal experience to fall back on when it comes to training and this is just theory about something that I think Eve and I missed the value of in building our relationship the first time around.  I welcome everyone’s thoughts and experiences on the matter to help me round out my understanding and new perspective!