pondering leniency

Last week after I failed to completely follow one of my rules, I did something I've never done – I begged for leniency. Ma'am was as surprised by my plea as she was by my confessed misbehavior. But after careful consideration and some pointed discussion she granted it and spared me punishment with the belt. The problem is this – while I am grateful and relieved to have been afforded leniency, my having asked for it doesn't sit well with me. Even while I was doing it I realized that I was doing it out of fear and it didn't take long for a feeling of “wrongness” to settle over me. Had I been able to take it back, I would have...and yet in that moment I could do nothing else.

So for the past week or so I've been pondering the following - - Is begging for leniency an appropriate response to a transgression that earns punishment?

• Should I have merely confessed and done my best to quietly accept what was coming with as much grace as I could muster?
• Have I somehow diminished myself as a submissive in making a cowardly and selfish choice?

From the way I've been feeling, I'm pretty certain that I won't ask for leniency again any time soon. But I'd like to hear what others have to say on the topic. Is there a time and a place to ask for leniency in submission? If so, when is it appropriate and when is it not?

a perfect moment

Yesterday, another new experience - I found my way into subspace. Interestingly enough I didn't realize I had been there until I was trying to come out of it. Re-entry turned out to be a rather slow process...

Having been the first and an entirely unexpected trip, I don't plan on writing about that today. What I want to share is simply this – as I began to come back to my Ma'am and to the world, wrapped in a warm blanket with my head in her lap, I knew the perfection of a moment and that this is - without a doubt – the place that I was meant to be.