Just last night Ma'am was remarking on how good a girl I have been. Now, I have to say had been. Somehow I managed to forget a portion of one of my weekly rules today and had to report to her that I was out of compliance. Sigh...it is fully beyond my comprehension how one can suddenly forget to do something that is part of a regular schedule.
Ma'am also informed me last night that she is retiring her paddle as her preferred implement of punishment. What she has in mind for future punishments is something that I have been nervous about since I gave her the knowledge of exactly how effective a punishment it is – the belt. In all of my experience, a belt is the one thing has been exclusively used as a tool of punishment and the psychological effects on me are intense. I knew she would chose it eventually and I've thought with dread about the first time she punishes me with it. Now, it may well be upon me.
I've been wrapped in nerves all night...hoping that the time has not come, that today's transgression is not the one that has earned me this punishment...
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Saturday's torment
Saturday, strung up for Ma'am, such delicious torment in store for me...
It was a couple of hours before we had to leave for our planned evening out. She had told me that she wanted to add some color to my shoulders and bottom but she had another plan that I didn't know anything about. So there I was, strung up and naked for her, my most sensitive places the objects of her complete attention.
Ma'am's caress – sometimes soft and lingering and sometimes insistent and forceful – mixed with the varied sensations of her crop, flogger and spoon. Her rhythm and build were perfect and I was primed to take everything she could give me and maybe a little more.
Again and again she teased me, bringing me up to the very edge of orgasm only to pull back and replace that sensuous touch with something more harsh – a pinched nipple, a kiss from her crop, the lick of the lash. Each time she checked I was wetter than the last...every inch of my skin so sensitive that the most gentle touch caused a rippling effect of quivering and shuddering from deep inside. I was fairly vibrating with a raw and powerful need...but Ma'am's plan had been to bring me to precisely that state and to leave me wanting for the rest of the evening.
I whimpered when she helped me down and told me to put on my street clothes...but I was a good girl who did her very best to put her aching need aside and dutifully went out to pick up dinner.
It was a couple of hours before we had to leave for our planned evening out. She had told me that she wanted to add some color to my shoulders and bottom but she had another plan that I didn't know anything about. So there I was, strung up and naked for her, my most sensitive places the objects of her complete attention.
Ma'am's caress – sometimes soft and lingering and sometimes insistent and forceful – mixed with the varied sensations of her crop, flogger and spoon. Her rhythm and build were perfect and I was primed to take everything she could give me and maybe a little more.
Again and again she teased me, bringing me up to the very edge of orgasm only to pull back and replace that sensuous touch with something more harsh – a pinched nipple, a kiss from her crop, the lick of the lash. Each time she checked I was wetter than the last...every inch of my skin so sensitive that the most gentle touch caused a rippling effect of quivering and shuddering from deep inside. I was fairly vibrating with a raw and powerful need...but Ma'am's plan had been to bring me to precisely that state and to leave me wanting for the rest of the evening.
I whimpered when she helped me down and told me to put on my street clothes...but I was a good girl who did her very best to put her aching need aside and dutifully went out to pick up dinner.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
a perfect moment
Yesterday, another new experience - I found my way into subspace. Interestingly enough I didn't realize I had been there until I was trying to come out of it. Re-entry turned out to be a rather slow process...
Having been the first and an entirely unexpected trip, I don't plan on writing about that today. What I want to share is simply this – as I began to come back to my Ma'am and to the world, wrapped in a warm blanket with my head in her lap, I knew the perfection of a moment and that this is - without a doubt – the place that I was meant to be.
Having been the first and an entirely unexpected trip, I don't plan on writing about that today. What I want to share is simply this – as I began to come back to my Ma'am and to the world, wrapped in a warm blanket with my head in her lap, I knew the perfection of a moment and that this is - without a doubt – the place that I was meant to be.
Friday, March 13, 2009
lacking coherent thought
It's been hard to write lately...a lot of things have happened since my last post. Choosing what to write about has been difficult because there's so much going on in my head...mostly all hinging on the events of one 48 hour period.
The weekend before last there was a fundamental change in the dynamic of my relationship with Ma'am. It was unexpected and sudden (to me, at least) and it left me feeling somewhat confused and nervous. On the eve of this change, Ma'am installed a hook in our bedroom and for the first time I was cuffed with my hands above my head and blindfolded. This experience, combined with the fact that Ma'am unequivocally took control for the first time, propelled me into a deeper state of submission than I've ever reached before. But it also brought strong feelings of helplessness and fear that I had difficulty processing and understanding. It was very affecting and I didn't take enough care in communicating what I was going through with my Ma'am. On the heels of this, I ended up in a position where I had to make a conscious decision to do something that I knew would anger my Ma'am - but it was the only decision I could make because the alternatives were to be avoided at all costs.
It was hard to re-center after that weekend. So many things have gone through my mind since then and I'm hoping that soon the chaos will resolve itself enough for me to write.
The weekend before last there was a fundamental change in the dynamic of my relationship with Ma'am. It was unexpected and sudden (to me, at least) and it left me feeling somewhat confused and nervous. On the eve of this change, Ma'am installed a hook in our bedroom and for the first time I was cuffed with my hands above my head and blindfolded. This experience, combined with the fact that Ma'am unequivocally took control for the first time, propelled me into a deeper state of submission than I've ever reached before. But it also brought strong feelings of helplessness and fear that I had difficulty processing and understanding. It was very affecting and I didn't take enough care in communicating what I was going through with my Ma'am. On the heels of this, I ended up in a position where I had to make a conscious decision to do something that I knew would anger my Ma'am - but it was the only decision I could make because the alternatives were to be avoided at all costs.
It was hard to re-center after that weekend. So many things have gone through my mind since then and I'm hoping that soon the chaos will resolve itself enough for me to write.
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